So I am SUPER SAD about October’s Birchbox.

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Regular Birchbox box (that does not include a beautyblender.)

A lot of the spoilers said many boxes would contain a beauty blender. Birchbox originally introduced me to beautyblender several years ago and I only recently learned of its true potential. Previously I thought it was just an egg shaped sponge. This is not incorrect– it is an egg shaped sponge. But it’s a lot more than that. The beautyblender gets its true power from WATER. Seriously! You hold your little egg under water and it expands twice its size. You then wring out all the extra water and it becomes the blending tool you never knew you ever needed or wanted. Knockoffs just can’t compete. It is legit. It’s a bummer that this whole blog so far is about what I DIDN’T get but I wanted a new one sooooo badly. In my pre-beautyblender clarity (PBBC) I used it to clean up some eyeliner and it stained my pretty pink egg with black spots. I’m able to clean it but it’s still stained. I was hoping Birchbox would sense my newfound beautyblender clarity and send me a new one but they did not. instead they sent me a box of things I’m not super thrilled about.

The theme for this month:

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I guess I would have to say that the thing I’m most excited about is the ModelCo Party Proof lipstick in Kitty. This is a full sized product which is nice and the color is pretty and natural. I’ll totally be wearing this to work. It retails at $24 so I guess this is the product I got instead of my beloved beautyblender. The weird thing about this is that the packaging says it’s a matte lipstick… but it’s not. Lipstick of lies. It’s as creamy and shiny as any regular lipstick. I don’t mind this but it’s not a matte lipstick. Let’s not play games here, ModelCo. The card says it’s a semi-matte but what the hell does that even mean? The lipstick says matte and it’s not and I don’t like lying makeup. That’s not true, I will totally use this lying makeup. Just something to note.

The second thing I’m excited about is the Dr. Brandt “pores no more vacuum cleaner blackhead extractor mask.” This comes in a tube like a regular mask. Unlike the terrifying fabric mask I got last month. I mean– I wasn’t terrified. But I definitely terrified Matt and my friends when I sent them selfies. I could not stop laughing, I looked so scary. I asked Melissa if she could still hear the lambs screaming. I definitely struggle with blackheads so I will be using this mask soon.

The rest of the things are super ho hum. The Lord & Berry Paillettes Glitter eye pencil will never be used by me. I think there is a time in every woman’s life where you stop using glitter makeup and I passed that milestone a good decade ago. Full size retails for $18 if you are in high school and want to wear it.

I also got another hand cream. (A trend in subscription boxes.) This time, it was BeeKind body lotion. It is made with honey (hence the bee theme) and organic chamomile and is apparently a favorite in the UK. I will likely pass this to my mom as part of a Christmas gift. It looks like a nice lotion and it’s conveniently purse sized so I think she will use it. I am getting quite the stash of hand lotions so it’s time I shared the wealth. The full size retails for $15.

I am not pleased with the perfume sample I received. I filled out a questionnaire when I re-subscribed to Birchbox and one of my preferences was no fragrances. I have a huge jar of samples in my bathroom I will never use and this Harvey Prince Petaly Noir smells like a grandma. I read a review recently that described it better than that. They described it as a ” _________ grandma” and I cannot for the life of me remember the descriptor but it made me laugh out loud. And can we talk about how “Petaly Noir” is the worst name of a perfume ever? It’s like it was named by middle schoolers who are feeling very adult. The full size retails for $55 if you are a grandma and/or are interested in smelling like one on an ongoing basis.

I’m rating this box a C-. I’m trying not to let my sadness about my lack of beautyblender affect the rating but there’s nothing in my box that’s truly exciting either. However, my last box was awesome and I’m glad I re-subscribed. And by referring friends and writing reviews, I can earn Birchbox points that I will likely redeem for a discounted beautyblender. This is the most I have ever written “beautyblender.” I hope none of you turned it into a drinking game because I’d be concerned if you were going to be driving anywhere. Let me know if you did that, and I’ll get an uber to you.

xo
Lauren

Disclaimer: This post contains referral links.

A self-proclaimed beauty junkie/hoarder with a serious Sephora problem. After years with Birchbox, she now has a subscription box problem as well. Her free time is a mixed combination of cats, TV, and finally trying to figure out how to do her hair.

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